Monday, November 29, 2010

Mr. A's review of......Splatterhouse

The Story
Rick Taylor is about to propose to his long time girlfriend Jennifer Willis. He's got it all planned out; a quiet dinner near the water, soft lights, and the most brilliant diamond Rick can afford. All Rick has to do is suffer through a quick little interview with the enigmatic Dr. West that Jen has to do for the school newspaper. Yes, Rick has plans. But like much in life, your plans don't mean dick when it comes to fate. Dr. West quickly summons demons from beyond to grab Jen and beat you to within an inch of your life. Sorry, Rick, but your plans are canceled. Or are they?
With his dying breath, Rick makes a deal with the Terror Mask, an ancient Aztec bone mask possessed by a vengeful spirit.
Armed with supernatual powers, an array of improvised weaponry, and a steadfast resolve, Rick must now traverse time and space to save the woman he loves before she is sacrificed to the elder god Cthulhu. Can Rick do it in time? And what is the Terror Mask's true intentions? Welcome, everyone. Welcome to...the Splatterhouse!

The Review
The story is sort of cheesy, but considering the original 'House didn't really have one it's works out pretty well. Overall gameplay is alright, but it does take a bit of time to get used to the combat timing. For instance, one of the lower level baddies will swipe at you and if you get hit, Rick's speed isn't good enough to throw a punch before he swipes you again. All you can do is roll out of the way and then go in for a counterattack.
The gore is SUPER over the top. I actually had to get used to all the horrific takedowns because they were so gruesome.
The voice-acting is pretty good, with a major shout-out going to the voice actor for Dr. West (who's name escapes me).
On the technical side there is the issue of long load times and choppy cut scenes because of them. Things that could have easily been taken care of with some kind of install.

The Verdict
If you're into beat-em-ups you should give this game a try. If you like games full of blood and carnage then give this a try. But if you don't like either of them then stay the hell away from this. While it is fun to unlock trophies and hidden pictures, it's not really worth getting ill every time you have to perform a takedown. I did however have fun playing the classic Splatterhouse games and trying to unlock the secret goals in survival mode. Overall, if you don't like this game, you just won't. EVER. But if you like this game you'll like the hell out of it.


Stay tuned for more reviews and our commentary for the film The Last Airbender.

Jaa mata,
Mr. A
(Executive Producer, Necrobiologist)

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